.....Anyway. I figure I may as well make another post... soooooo..... God. I dunno what to talk about. OH! I tried for my Permit Friday. And failed. Saw it commin'. Either way. Mom's makin' me try again tomorow. Hope I pass this time... it was so embarassing... -sigh- But whatever.

.....On a lighter note... I will be an 11th grader this year! Isn't that fun? I think I've got like.. three art-related classes planned n stuff. I've thought  a lot about my stories, I just can't bring myself to write. I can't pay attention long enough to read anymore, so that also sucks.

.....I constantly find myself thinking that people get annoyed at me when I say anything and I'm just this worthless loser that is lazy, ugly and stupid. People younger than me know more than I do and when they talk, I can't follow and I feel so useless at a conversation. It seems like people get mad at me out of the blue and makes me feel like I shouldn't even try at friends. I get mad at myself for thinking things like, "I deserve that" or, "How could they be so selfish", or "I can't stand when they talk". People I meet over the net fall in love with me instantly, but they don't have a clue what's going on in my mind... Sure, my words can be beautiful, but who says my thoughts are? I don't deserve anything I get yet I think I deserve more and it makes me seem like some horrible monster... I'm afraid of getting attatched to someone so I end my relationships before they leave me... or I don't even start them to keep the ones that like me around. I'm tired of saying "I". I can't stand hating being around my friends, yet when I take time from them I go insane... I get mad easily and do whatever people ask me to... It's such a pain... I wish it would stop... but when I think that I get so scared... Why do people like me? Why can't I just appreciate everything..? A few years ago I would've killed myself just to feel love... now that I've felt it and lost it I feel so alone and I can't trust anyone... why should I? They'll leave me... couples always break up... It will never last, no matter how much I want it to. 'Sides; there's not a single guy that I ACTUALLY meet that I can bring myself to liking... I'm too scared of actually touching them only ot have them pull away...

.....I still want to kill my father, too. Everyone else at least got to see their father's faces and memorize them before they wrote you off as a child they hate... Not even a damn birthday card... do you guys know how lucky you are...? I spent my childhood praying to have a dad that mom and I could go places with, but instead I got all of her looser boyfriends and pervy neighbors that look at me funny. You guys are so damn lucky, you don't even realize....

-Sigh- Anyway. I love ya'll. Just ignore this. And don't get bitchy at me. It'll just cause me to wright more. KK?

LATERS!!! <3 <3 <3